A different take on perfectionism

Good morning, everyone! It’s that time again, Sunday Morning Coffee with Stacy – and this week we are talking perfectionism! We’re finally coming out of the cold snap here (it feels like “FINALLY”, even though it was less than a week) LOL… and in true West Virginia fashion, we’re supposed to be well above normal temps this week… but this morning… still chilly for my morning walk.

I want to toss something into the mix that has been what we’ve been talking about over the last couple of weeks.

If you remember, we talked about getting knocked off track and ways you can get back on track, and then a super-power you can add to your toolbelt to help you keep from getting knocked off track in the first place.

That latter, if you recall, was managing expectations… which centered HEAVILY on determining what you CAN, and what you CANNOT control.

And that’s where we pick up today… with a new and different take on the dreaded perfectionism.

Now, full transparency, I don’t take credit for this genius idea – I read about it in a book recently from Jeffrey Marsh.

They talk about how perfectionism – because those of us who suffer from it all know we “should” try to “get rid of it”… and that in itself becomes it’s own category of perfectionism. Because then people try to get rid of it “perfectly” that all-or-nothing thinking about it, etc.

But what if we reframed perfectionism in a different way?

What if we defined it more like this:

“Perfectionism is when we hate ourselves, or criticize ourselves mercilessly, or allow ourselves to feel like a failure when we do not reach these unrealistic standards that we have assumed will control what other people think about us.”

Now, that’s super paraphrased there, but that’s the gist of it.

Think about it, if we perform perfectly, then others “can’t judge us” because we did it perfectly. Right?

There can be no snickering behind our backs. There can be no “I told you so’s”, there can be no, “Now will you stop being different?”

If we do it perfectly, how could it be judged?

It comes back to that same thing we talked about:  what is IN our control, and what is NOT.

The opinions of others is NOT in our control.

We cannot control what their internal story is about us.

In many cases, they aren’t even thinking about us – they are too tied up in their own heads about who is judging them!

This idea of a different way to define and view perfectionism really hit home with me, to be honest. I’ve done a lot of work on myself surrounding the not worrying about what others think… but perfectionism is one area that I still sometimes struggle with.

So, when I read this new take on it, it hit different, and I knew I was onto something, for myself at least.

And if it’s true for me, then it is probably true for others as well… there’s very few instances where we are the lone ship in any storm.

So, I invite you to do what I did when I read it… sit with this definition of perfectionism for a bit and see how it lands with you. Because it may just end up being the different perspective that finally allows you to start breaking free from the grip of perfectionism.

And… remind yourself whenever it creeps in:

#MessyAction

Messy, imperfect, INSPIRED action is ALWAYS better than no action at all.

Hope you all found this helpful this week.

And for those who reached out and asked about the upcoming beta testing period that I announced a couple of weeks ago, you should be receiving some information about the open date for that in the next week.

Until next time, happy writing and take #MessyImperfectAction!