đ»Thoughts from the Den #3: Ego and the Indie Author
When validation and visibility become traps (and how to find your way back)
Hey, bold soulâ
Todayâs post is one of the most read from the Authors Mojo blog. I wrote it from the inside of a breakdown-turned-breakthrough momentâwhen my ego was screaming for external validation⊠and my soul was whispering something deeper.
If youâve ever spiraled after a launch didnât go well, or questioned your worth because a post didnât get enough likes⊠this is for you.
Hey there, fellow indie authors! Letâs have a chat about something that often sneaks into our writing lives: the notorious ego.
We all know itâs there, lurking in the shadows, ready to stir up trouble when we least expect it. I had a wake-up call recently where I realized an area in my professional writing life where my ego totally and completely had me stalled and stubbornly refusing to move forward.
(yes, I can be stubborn sometimes⊠I know, I know⊠hard to believe, right? đ)
Today, weâre going to explore how our ego can sometimes play havoc with our writing routine and share some tips on how to keep it in check.
Picture this: youâre an indie author, trying to establish a consistent writing routine. Youâve set aside dedicated time, created a cozy writing nook, and armed yourself with a fresh cup of coffee. Perfect, right? But then, out of nowhere, your ego barges in, wearing a fancy suit and a smug grin.
First off, our ego loves comparison. It whispers in our ears, âLook at that author, theyâve already published three books while youâre still struggling with your first draft.â Suddenly, our writing routine becomes a race, and we forget that each personâs journey is unique.
Remember, friends, itâs not a competition. Embrace your own pace, celebrate your small victories, and focus on your growth as a writer.
Next, the ego loves to critique every word we put on the page. It whispers, âThatâs not good enough. No one will want to read this.â Itâs like having a harsh editor living inside our heads. But hereâs the thing: every writer, including the most successful ones, has doubts. Embrace imperfection, write freely, and donât let your ego stifle your creativity.
Remember, the editing stage is for refining and polishing.
Another trap our ego sets is the need for validation. It craves external approval, constantly checking for likes, reviews, and sales numbers. While itâs natural to seek recognition, relying solely on external validation can be a slippery slope. Instead, shift your focus to the joy of writing itself.
Write for yourself, write from your heart, and the readers will come. Authenticity is what connects us with our audience.
Lastly, our ego loves to distract us with excuses. âI canât write today because I donât feel inspired,â it says. But guess what? Inspiration often comes while weâre in the act of writing. So, donât wait for the perfect moment or the ideal muse.
Just sit down, start writing, and let the words flow. Even if it feels like pulling teeth at first, the writing routine will become easier and more enjoyable with practice.
When I first came up with this article, I had the following bit that I was going to use to start wrapping up the conclusion for this piece:
Recognizing and taming our ego is vital for establishing a healthy writing routine. Embrace your unique journey, silence the inner critic, focus on the joy of writing, and show up consistently.
But I want to revise that, because after seeing it on the screen, I realize part of it isnât true (for me), and I donât think is actually good or actionable advice⊠so hereâs the new list:
Instead of: Recognizing and taming our ego is vital for establishing a healthy writing routine.
This: Recognizing when our ego is acting out is vital, learning to see it for what it is, and then learning to work with it (because weâre all human, and ego is part of being human!), is essential to establishing a healthy writing routine that we can realistically and consistently practice.
Instead of: Embrace your unique journey, silence the inner critic, focus on the joy of writing, and show up consistently.
This: Take comfort and enjoy the process of your own unique journey, because we are all unique, and my path to get to my version of success is absolutely different than yours or anyone elseâs⊠so if my version of success looks different, then it just goes that my path to get there will also be different and unique to me.
Silencing the inner critic is one of those theories that looks nice on paper⊠but letâs face it, it is NOT realistic. Besides that, our inner critic is there for a reason⊠most of the time it is just trying to keep us safe. Yep, safe.
We humans are hard-wired with a self-preservation system that kicks in our fight, flight, or freeze response to keep us safe and alive, weâre all aware of this. The issue comes in when we consider that the âself-preservation softwareâ that is installed in our brains by default is essentially the same one our forebearers had back in the early days of humanity⊠so that system doesnât do a great job of differentiating between facing down a grizzly bear (actual life-or-death scenario that kicks our self-preservation systems into high gear)⊠and publishing a book that puts us âout thereâ for possible judgment, condemnation, or ridicule.
That self-preservation response system is essentially viewing those things as the same type of scenario⊠so, in comes that little voice in our head trying to stop us, sabotage us, keep us stuck right exactly where we are at⊠keeping us safe and alive⊠without differentiating that this (publishing a book), is quite a different scenario than facing down a grizzly.
(though, letâs be real, it can FEEL like facing down a grizzly! LOL)
We must learn to recognize and work with our inner critic voice. Give it a name. Invite it to sit down for tea and conversation. Tell it âthank youâ for trying to keep you safe, but this scenario isnât an actual grizzly bear, itâs just something that might be outside of our comfort zone, but it is okay, that we will protect ourselves AND our newly-named, critic-bodyguard. Learning to listen to, and then work with that inner voice is a major part of the battle when trying to find your perfect consistent writing routine.
Remember, itâs not about being perfect; itâs about telling your story.
So, grab that pen, fire up your laptop, and let your words paint the world!
Happy writing, my friends!
This piece was originally published on the Authors Mojo blogâbut I wanted to bring it here to the Den, where weâre telling the whole truth about building this life, this business, and this art.
Youâre not behind. Youâre not broken. Youâre just becoming.
With pawprints and permission to pause,
~ Stacy đŸ
Thank you! My process includes long pauses (sometimes years) while I become who I need to be to complete the WIP. Always the WIP is better than if I had artificially pushed through to completion. And still the voices⊠You know. So thanks for affirming my unique process.